…One Bite at a Time
My parents love to share this expression anytime I’m overwhelmed. The problem is I’ve had to eat ALOT of elephant over the years. For the most part, I’m eating American-Style elephant. I’m out of work, overweight, and deep in debt. Who isn’t?
Recently, my plate has been overflowing with elephant with the passing of my 36 year old wife of 16 years, Vicki. Unbeknownst to me and everyone else, she was suffering from a deep vein thrombosis in her leg. In laymen’s terms she had a large blood clot in her leg. On the morning of June 9, 2010, clots broke free and traveled to her lungs. She became light headed, passed out and stopped breathing. She never recovered.
In a blink of an eye, I became a single parent of two kids and a grieving widower.
It’s going on 3 months now. I’m still trying to find what my pastor describes as my “new normal”. I drew a tremendous amount of my identity from my relationship with Vicki. Each day was planned in tandem with hers. Meals, where and when we’d go places, who we’d visit with, it all revolved around her. That’s not a bad thing either; in point of fact it was comforting to be with her. In addition to identity, I was the recipient of reassurance, affection, laughter, and… well you get the idea, in a word, love.
So when I stop and think about it, I feel like someone who’d been walking in the cold who just had a warm coat ripped of their back. Its taken 3 months, but the shock is finally starting to fade.
All of that brings me to this; a dear friend knowing all I’ve been through, suggested I start writing. So, here I sit, poised at my kitchen pc; trying to figure out how I should start etching my thoughts into cyber-space.
I guess the theme of these blogs will be, how to deal with tough times and keep your sanity intact (for the most part). I know first hand how to mentally handle really hard stuff, and I’ll do my best to impart what little wisdom I’ve accumulated in my 37 years on this planet.
So, Nugget #1 is this. Don’t Panic!
(Something I learned from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)
The only exceptions are:
1. You or someone near you has caught fire. Or you AND someone near you has caught fire. In either case, extinguish yourself first, then help the person near you. Trying to do so in the opposite order won’t be very productive. If the person near you wasn’t on fire to begin with, you’ll wind up catching them on fire, if they were on fire then the two of you combined will most likely combust even faster. Come to think of it, panicking doesn’t do much good in this situation.
2. Either, a large asteroid is headed for the earth; an alien invasion force is, well, invading; or the Hadron Collider in Geneva has spawned a world eating black hole. In any of these cases, it is perfectly acceptable for you to panic. Of course, it won’t affect the outcome, but if it makes you feel better, go for it.
3. Finally, Milli Vanilli gets back together. Trust me, of everything I’ve mentioned thus far, this frightens me the most. I’ll be setting up a hotline. In case any of you catch wind of this world ending event, WARN ME.
Seriously, whether you’ve just learned about something horrible in your life, or you're in the midst of dealing with it, the best thing you can do is avoid looking too far ahead or too far behind. Look back and you’ll see regrets and sadness. Look ahead and worry waits for you.
Just make the most out of what each day gives you. Take a deep breath, watch a sunrise, and pet a dog; but whatever you do, you’ve got to keep living… even if it’s just moment to moment.
Like Dory says, “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming…”
Thanks for reading,
Your Dog-Loving Blogger,
Bunji
No comments:
Post a Comment