…When it’s Shared
This is my second stab at a blog entry, so please bear with. To kind of sum up what I said last week, I started this blog on the advice of a friend. I lost my 36 year old wife to a medical condition 3 months ago and am still dealing with the emotional fallout. So as sort of a therapy tool, I do what comes most naturally to me – write about it.
The theme of this blog thus far has been:
How to Deal With Tough Times and Keep Your Sanity Intact
Too often we attempt to carry the load of tragedy and the emotions that come with it, on our own. We bottle it up, shying away from telling others about how we feel and never venting it or confiding in others about our struggle. Either we’re embarrassed or we don’t want to burden others in our lives who we think have enough to deal with already.
This brings me to Nugget #2 – Share Your Elephant Bites With Others
The truth is your elephant is much easier for others to eat. Doesn’t it usually feel good when a friend stops by to tell you about a difficult coworker who smacks her gum all day, or the stubborn 80 year old clerk at the DMV who probably stamped Henry Ford’s first license? It gives you both the chance to look and the situation and maybe even laugh at it (or in my case cry about it) together. Your case is no different. It’s a burden your friends and family can cope with easier than you while at the same time being able to empathize with that you’re going through.
When you share your concerns with friends and loved ones, it gives them an opportunity to help someone they care about; to make a difference in your life.
Personally, the person who I usually shared most of my elephant with is gone. So I got dealt a double whammy. On a positive note, my friends and family have been doing all they can to take up the slack. I'm grateful to be blessed with them.
So now you’re saying, “OK, fine. I’ve stopped panicking and I’ve shared my troubles with others, but my world is STILL upside down and the pieces of my life are strewn about me like living room furniture on the front lawn after a tornado. What do I do next?”
Nugget #3 Let It All Out
Absorbing all your emotions and keeping them inside during tough times is a bad idea. Shrinks like to use the ten dollar word “internalize” to describe this behavior. It’s unhealthy and can even harm you physically through ulcers, high blood pressure, or digestion issues… you get the idea. (OK, I could have left digestion issues out, but as people really close to me know, it’s my personal “issue” of choice)
The point is you simply MUST have an outlet.
Maybe its overshare to say this, but right after Vicki passed, I had to be alone to vent. I’ll spare you the particulars, but needless to say I not only fell to pieces, I shattered into little bits. I don’t recommend you go postal or anything. I don’t want to be responsible for some air traffic controller going ballistic on the job and then citing this blog as his or her inspiration to do so. I do, however think that venting your emotions is not only acceptable, it’s necessary. I’ve no formal education on the subject, but personally speaking it was a crucial part of my healing process.
Beat a pillow, go to a secluded area and scream at the top of your lungs, hit some balls on the driving range or the batting cage (Don’t get them mixed up though; you’ll get clobbered by a baseball if you try using a 9 Iron in the batting cage. I’m just saying…”)
The truth is, if you don’t blow some of the steam off, some poor little old lady who’s taking 20 minutes in the express checkout lane at the supermarket will most likely become the object of your emotional outburst. So, for Mrs. Ethel Mothbottom’s sake, vent in a safe area that’s NOT a supermarket.
I think that’s all you can tolerate reading for now : ) I will be making this a weekly blog. So stay tuned next week, same blog website, same blog webtime!
Thanks for reading,
Your Dog-Loving Blogger,
Bunji
P.S. Dogs don’t know a thing about elephants, supermarkets, or DMV ladies so please don’t vent on them either.
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